i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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