i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
