Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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