i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
