It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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