We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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