You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
