Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
