I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Drunk is not a location!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
