I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
