The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
