I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
