im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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