i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
