you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
