You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize