In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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