is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
