I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
