And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
