she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
