I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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