Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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