I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
