i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
