from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
