my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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