I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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