there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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