so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
