my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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