There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
