I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
