Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
