I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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