Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
