I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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