At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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