You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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