Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I bet he comes in French.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
