dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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