I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
a search helicopter?!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
