His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
