Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize