When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
