Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
