OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
