i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
