remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
