i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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