Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
