I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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