So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
