i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize