Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
