fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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