that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
