I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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