foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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