When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
