that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize