I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
