Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
