We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
