That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
