I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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