PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
